thoughtless thoughts...

i had one of those non-stop days today.  it was good.  i love those days when you don't have a chance to stop and dwell on things.  its so energising!

in amongst the constant flow of issues and being wanted by everyone, my favourite retailer dude called me.  he doesnt even work in regulatory affairs anymore, hasnt for about six months.  and yet he took time out of his day to call me.  i have such a phone crush.  he's great.  so supportive.  and he gets my stupid sense of humour - which is rare.  if only he werent in melbourne, with his girlfriend, and his life...

maybe its best to keep it to the phone crush...

well, this whole law thing may actually happen this time.  i had a nice long chat with my bestest girly, and she reassured me that it was not silly, and that i would not die from trying it.

i spoke to my boss about the whole law thing the other day, and he said he thought it was a fantastic idea - so long as it meant i'd stay at work too!  i completely forgot that work will give me time off (cant remember how many hours per week) and will pay (up to) 75% of my course fees!!!!

so really, it actually does seem doable.

i've had a look at the course structure, and the electives (specialisations) on offer, and overall it all looks pretty good.  at this stage i'm thinking corporate law is the way to go.  it seems glamourous to me - and i like the challenge of breaking into the boy's club.

only one snag, no mid-year intake - unless i'm willing to go for a full fee paying place.  Not fucking likely!

so i have decided to apply for grad entry law again - for mid year intake - and this time, if i get in again, i'm going to do it.

what's the worst that can happen if i try?  i can fail.  so what's the worst that can happen if i fail?  i can quit.  being a quitter isn't sooooooooooo bad...

i really mean it this time

so i've decided  that i'm too young to be constantly feeling like crap about things in my life, and i'm too old to keep pretending there is nothing i can do to change any of it.

i need to stop knowing things, and actually start accepting them, and acting on them.  i need to understand that it is actually okay to be happy with achievement - and that with that, comes the need to be able to stop and actually enjoy what i have.  i need to stop craving "more", when i have no idea what the "more" should be.

sure, i realise i'm not saying anything new here, its more about feeling something new.  starting to be okay with life, and with me.

i am me.  and i CAN be happy with that.  with time.

i just need to actually realise that, and move forward.

all those given a (totally unexpected and far too generous) promotion today please step forward....

...anyone.... anyone?.....

so, it was just me then?  odd


(how modest i am....)










oh yeah... i still want a new job though!

i need, in no particular order:

a). a new life;
b). a new job;
c). a holiday;
d). all of the fucking above!

on reflection, i would have to say that is perhaps not the wisest of career moves to consume copious amounts of wine at lunch when one then has to run back to work so as to not be late for a performance management meeting with the chairman.... perhaps....

so i was just thinking, what happens if a small child loses a tooth on christmas eve?  do they get a visit from BOTH father christmas AND the tooth fairy?  and if so, would they car/sleigh pool?  i mean, it makes sense huh...  unless they dont talk to each other...

come to think of it, i'm sure there are all kinds of rivalry amongst the mythical lies made up by parents to promote "magical" and "fantastical" worlds for their kiddies...

pehaps the easter bunny and santa would get along, you know, because they are only "once a year dudes"... so they have more time to bond... but the tooth fairy, well, she's kinda more your 365, 24-7 kinda gal...

so santa and the easter bunny are off getting stoned, while the tooth fairy is busting her gut!

either way, the original question still stands....

(i'm really not ready to be a parent huh :P)

my favourite retailer managed to get himself a promotion... so he wont be working with me after january.... and he's moving to melbourne... that sucks

so today actually really kinda kicked arse.

started the morning with a free white choc mocha (even though it was like a bazillion degrees here today), went to my first two hour meeting that didnt drag, went for an mocha frappe (paid for by another), and was told that i am like way awesomer than the dude i replaced at work.

sure, i have an absolute fuck load of work to do, but at least it seems like its being appreciated. my boss loved the work i had done, and told me so several times.

highlight of the day though - spending an hour or so on the phone with that dude from one of the retailers here... he has a sexy voice. he seems very intelligent. good thing he's moving to melbourne....

our premier is a boob who doesnt understand even the most simple things about the basic functioning of the economy - populist twit.

without going into any specifics, because specifics could get my arse fired real quick, lets just say - 'hypothetically' - that the consumers had a product, and a certain policy would force businesses to buy that product from consumers, at a seriously inflated price.  now, add to this the fact that the industry we are talking about is a competitive industry, where all the businesses (with the exclusion of one, a bit of a hang over from the public ownership days) are not required to supply to any customers they don't choose to.  so if, for example, said customer was effectively going to COST the business money to be a customer, would you choose to take said customer?

competition?  sorry, what's that again?

i'll have boardwalk, parklane, the railways, and all the green bits.  ta.  way to go mike, way to go.

so i'm starting to think maybe i have a slight problem with coffee.  my regular coffee girl finished up today - moving on to bigger and better things (which are apparently to be found in melbourne, go figure, i would have assumed sydney was more the bee's knees for the youngins nowadays).

as sad as it was to realise how important my coffee is to me - the other girl doesnt get the mix right, and her milk is never as foamy - the sadder part was how much i'm going to miss the regular coffee girl.  i mean, she wasnt that nice, well, not to other people, but she was to me.  we used to check out the hot dudes, and ladies, walking past and wolf whistle when deemed worthy our expending some saliva (although she did most the whistling).  i'll miss hearing about all her sex-capades.

although, i think more than anything, this whole experience has yet again demonstrated how quickly i bond to people, and how bad that can be for me when the majority of people i attach myself to have a transient nature.

i'll miss the good head.... :)

....does it stop being therapy?

i was so close to buying some "dressy" thongs that could potentially be warn for work on really really hot CBF days.  a couple of the other chicks seem to get away with it - casual debbie, and melly mel.  i'm not sure if its an 'admin staff' vs 'regulatory staff' thing, or not.  at first i thought it was just a 'casual debbie thing', cause she seems to get away with wearing whatever she wants.  but then melly mel, well she's reg staff like me, and she gets away with it too.  but she's young and blonde and hot, so perhaps that's what works on her side.  i dont think anyone is looking at her feet :)

ordinarily, i would be dead against such things.  i love corporate wear, in case i hadnt made that somewhat obvious already.  i'd feel like a bit of a traitor if i suddenly deviated from the 'rules' and wore thongs.  but like, thongs are pretty damn awesome, and so damn comfy.  i'm not talking havianas, i'm talking $60 "leather" thongs.  and really, is it just me, or is $60 for thongs a bit excessive?

help doctor, help.  what do i do?

i'm quick, lightening speed....

i JUST realised, as i'm sitting at home, watching my dodgy tv in my lovely comfy bean bag, that i missed a prime flirting opportunity today.  there were three young IT boys in my office today, fixing IT type related things, and the cute one started making small talk with me when the others left, and what did i do - did i respond?  did i flick my hair, or giggle too much?

nope.... no i didnt.  i said "hey, do you need me to be here while you do this, or is it alright if i go over here and do some work?"

yep.... i did... and i wonder why i'm single....

he had a nice navy pinstripe suit on too.... i love navy pinstripe....

now its back, back, back YEAHHHHH!

ahem.... sorry, just a little bit excited.  i had my car serviced today and i have to tell you, i am very impressed Australian Motors... very impressed.

the service cost me $185, which i was already quite chuffed with, but then - on top of that - i got $100 worth of "paint work" fixed, for nothing.  why i see your poor little perplexed faces asking.  well, i'm glad you asked.

i rang the car place today at lunch time because i'd forgot to ask them about the HUGE BLOODY SCRATCH that had just appeared on my lovely black bonnet one day a few months back.  the dude said he'd "see what he could do", but didnt expect much.

so i then go to pick my baby up after work - where i'd had a strangely productive day - and he goes "well miss, would you like the good news, or the bad news".... i started to freak out a little bit, but admittedly not a lot, because he had that (i'm a funny bugger) look on his face.  so i asked for the bad new, only ever the bad news.  he said "the bad news is, the crash repairers are out $100, the good news is, you're not!"  apparently, he had asked for a quote, they had done the work (without his approval, or mine for that matter), and he refused to pay them.

so i was chuffed.  greatly chuffed.  on top of that, i got a free key ring - "no love, just take it, i'd have no idea how much it costs".... uh.... thanks... wow.

so all in all, $185 well spent.  so responsive, so smooth, very very happy.  ZOOM ZOOM!

( My Interests Collage! )

yes, i did just quote britney spears... and dont worry, i realise how cheesy and pathetic that is.  unfortunately, that's the way i've been feeling more and more.

as of monday, i will have been working in my first full time proper job for a year.  now i know that doesnt sound like a lot, but for me, it seems huge.  part of me has taken that step back to take stock of my life.  am i where i thought i'd be?  am i happy doing what i'm doing?  would i want to do anything else?  why cant i just be happy?  am i happy?  if i am happy, why am i asking such questions?  should i be considering buying a house (or on my budget, a house-lette, unit, or dog box)?  should i be saving more?  should i be investing?  should i be travelling?

i have been out of school for six years; six years!  should i have achieved more by now?  have i achieved anything?  do i care?  should i care more?

i realise these are really all very standard questions, and i am under no illusions that i am the only person asking such questions.  it just scares and excites me.  part of me is trying so hard not to let go of the past.  i spent a good part of the weekend re-living my high school years (which strangely i really did enjoy) in the only way possible - through music.  i used to listen to a lot of anrgy music for a while, then again, who didnt have their "angsty the world just doesnt 'get' me" phase.  hell, i know a hell of a lot of people still going through this phase!  then i started to find my music "cred", only to have one of my favourite bands di-band, never to be the same again.

something about the whole experience was soothing.  very good for the soul.